Pry My Nerves Out Let Them Bleed.

Humans are born relationship creatures, as much as i’m an introvert, i still long to be in a community.

However so, which ever community you set foot in, everyone demands a portion of you. I cant stand this, even some Christians do. Every community demands a certain treasure that you keep, no matter how brief the relationship establishment, once a tie is drawn, everyone is in it together. I cant say that this is completely disruptive, like they say, friends share burdens and adds joy.

Limitations of the fantasy; time has never seized to irate my nerves again. We cant befriend everyone, yet everyone wants to befriend everyone else- We all desire help from everyone yet we cannot give help to everyone. Being crude, we are weighed down by ministry, on the brighter note, we are living for core issues. We cant spend every moment to commute with every being that we meet.

The weight we carry is Jesus’ title, we cant allow the flame to be under blankets and drawers, we have to carry the flame around us. The activities that we actively participate often marks a distance between the world and Jesus. It suddenly becomes, if I’m a Christian, I cant become your friend.

People who i used to roam around a lot while they were still running with us, after they left, it seems we are unable to even withstand a conversation. The idealistic barrier tears us apart. Friends who i used to roam around with before becoming Christian, becomes lesser. It seems, the higher the leader, the less friends. Lonely leaders. We certainly do have much lesser time to spend, this is undeniable. 

However, the quality of friends we keep, are incomparable. On the other hand, after glancing blogs and reminiscing over a series of events, i have realized that honestly, many Christians have faced relationship issues. Not BGR, just normal friends. Previous friends have felt that they’ve been left alone. I cant entirely say that its this person’s fault, but somehow, they blame the God we believe in resulting in such a consequence.

I’m utterly abraded.

Have Christians, become a total new being.

Vexation

Midsummer night’s dream is a really nice book, once you get through the language bearer, which is ruthlessly unpleasant, annoying when u have to reiterate whatever they say. But its a nice book, when they talk in poems, love poems, seems intriguing, at least to me.

Nerd approach at kap.

i did my usual thing, started with bio, tried to complete 2 bio chapters which will be planned to finish by sunday. However midway through my mind started going semi alert, went down, grabbed a whole bunch of sugar sticks, consumed everything, and u get a……SUGAR RUSH!

i was really really really annoyed, vexed, angry, upset, that i couldnt finish 2 chapters before my tuition and spent 2 hours on a chapter. Annoyingly unproductive but also disrupted my plan. Terribly annoyed i almost wanted to shout “f” when i turned page after page when it seems like the chapter was endless.

Sigh, when you’re angry at something, you see the value in it.

I belong to Jesus echoes with my heartbeat

Touch Down

Discovering that wednesday everyone’s gonna fly in and out, just amazes me. How school girls and school boys, not even over the age of legal drinking, goes overseas, not to drown in booze, but in the WOG captured me.

And the fact that torchie and chris is touching down in less than 12 hours, emotions clutter together. Forming a new one. which, is called, ALVERN emotion..hahaha..okay..forget that..Its just that, I’M HOSTING AN INTERNATIONAL DELEGATE=I’M HOPE SINGAPORE’S REPRESENTATIVE=BIG SCALE THING..

scream with me.

Over The MoOoOoOoOn

Do these names ring a bell.

Chris.

Or two.

Torchie

Or your hearts!

hahaha..guess what..

guessssssssss

keep guessing

I’m waiting for you to guess.

Think think think!

Stop waiting for me to give you the answer

Guessssssssss.

The super overpriced brand

hey

5

4

3

2

1

u havent guessed yet right

keep guessing k..

once you have the answer.

dont scroll yet.

guess.

okay.

chris

and torchie

ARE STAYING OVER MY HOUSE!WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

My doors are open for anybody inclined to stay over my house. Females, not allowed..hahahaha..(occupy too much space)…lol..jk..just come..but dont expect hotel treatments though!.

Chronos

As i  listen to healer by planetshakers.

Punched two holes.

Rain fell on my skin.

Racing across the heartlands.

Angst, Anger, Frustration.

Booming Melodious thunder plugged in

Caged Racers.

If time=money

That means more money= more time. Seldom thats the case isnt it.

And the retarded email that was sent across about the if money=time then they equate all the way to women=root of all problems is incorrect..hahaha.

See!, i’m no chauvinist!

Racing

how do you walk the elongated route to travel from point a to point b without taking a detour from the normal route you’d take.

Impossible?

heres how.

To tilt your head across fairfield along the corridors and spot every single face that hope has seen, but left, and then, you would have successfully crossed the borders of the physical world.

trust me, it aint easy.

Anger Management

If you know me well, i really do not flare up oftenly. No matter what, i’d forgive you. Most of the time.

I was blown to my top when “is this what Yhope Teaches you”.

I really wanted to pick up my chair and smash it into her face. Note, its a girl. And yes, i did not.

Just because i put my leg on the chair infront of me to rest since no one uses it she has to make such remarks. There was so much tension in me. I could have just flared up. But yes, i thought of a million things.

just when i wanted to put it down

“is this what Yhope Teaches you”

it triggered rebellious emotions. I continued to put my leg there.

more  unpleasant  comments entered the arena.

It boiled so much in me then i wanted to stand up on my feet and unleash everything i’ve got.

“just put your leg down”

Ian’s coaxing comment just moved my legs unintentionally.

I worked it out that if i flared up, there wasn’t much to gain. and i’ve learned, Girls no matter how good they seem on the outside, however good they used to be, wait till you’ve seen them in true colours, before deciding anything. Perhaps this is what Zachary meant by serving God alongside one another.

Miss Ng crazy standards alarmed me. Just because i did question 9 in one step answers she wasnt elated over the fact and got me to stand. Indeed it seem like a small issue, but i didnt know why i had it burning in me to yell back.

It was then when she casually pointed out each and everyone of our mistakes. Which made me even more furious. I wasn’t wrong, my answers were right. Just because i read a question wrongly, she has to embarrass me in front of a class for a wrong i did not do.

However the intensity of the anger deep within me, flaring up on the teacher=gg.

You’ll never win a teacher. No matter what. They’ll have the final laugh.

And i thought about it, because not by boasting, I really really dont get angry often. The most is just irritated, but never furious.

And i deduced that anger was because i had Faith in something.

i used to be not angry at anything. Even if teacher scolded me or people making remarks of anything, i’d brush it aside. And because of Christianity, i begin to put faith in more things. In more things i get angry over.

Theres two ways to counter anger.

Love everything, or hate everything.

otherwise, put anger aside.