It is finally done. I think I’ve tried my best to bide through this semester. Although this semester has been relatively easier than the rest, perhaps it wasn’t meant to be. But it doesn’t matter, because I’ve done quite my best. And on to other things in life.

While perfect has been a concept I’ve never been able to grasp, so has heaven. And eternity. What does life mean when you’ve eternity ahead of you. By sheer magnitude, life is merely a spot in forever. And now there’s concept that eternity isn’t measured by time. Heaven isn’t for all of time. So we really don’t know what heaven is. What eternity is. But we do know what life is. Life is this very moment.

And Christianity downplays this moment very much. “Treasures in heaven”. You see, the most beautiful acts are the selfless ones. Such as the “say something good” through a microphone. There is no motivation for such an act. There is no reward. And it is that moment, that instant that could turn someone’s day. “Free hugs” campaign, perhaps less accepted in asiany Singapore, but have spread globally. “Post secret” where people post their deepest darkest secrets anonymously. And people identify with such absurdity in life, that they find solace that they aren’t alone. And on the writers hand, as for all writers, an output.

I used to think, why live, when everything is going to end. Now, I believe, since everything is going to end, live. To have an opportunity at this very moment to be alive, is a cosmic improbability, and a miracle in every sense. If death is a mere passing, your life must’ve been meaningless for it to be just a phase. It marks an end. And just like a good book, even the best stories end, but the end is never just simply a phase.

I’m glad that I held my emotions. That I recognised that I was merely lonely. I’m glad I didn’t follow my heart, because really, I don’t think the heart’s really good with decisions.

Education

We’ve seen how the dollars go into the millions. Through education. It is by far the only solid investment that would reap folds and folds of return. It gives the church and its “God’s Kingdom” a shit in the face. It is the only way to break free from the cycle of poverty. And it is the only way to liberate women from the kitchen. Sadly, it has done the latter in a far greater degree than the former.

It is the fuel for China’s dominance over US and Europe. By the sheer magnitude of degree graduates, engineering powerhouses can propel the manufacturing industry. However the lapse in their infrastructure, similar to that of ours, with the sudden burst of activity will cause a fracture. That we’ll see in the near future.

Education takes a big bite out of the government’s budget. And its comforting to know that Singapore has no tolerance for illiteracy. But on to closer and more personal survey, at the Poly Level, lecturers are over qualified for an under paying job. Allow me to illustrate. Majority, and I insist to emphasize, Majority of my lecturers hold a doctorate. All of them have worked in the industry (trained and experienced) and the bare minimum was a second upper honours graduate. My brother earns more than them, he graduated from SIM.

None of them would get paid this little if they were in a private industry. And this would soon become a problem. When educators see that there is a much greater reward to work in the industry than in educating the emerging generation, this pool of mega brains will dry up and lesser achievers would begin to fill the void. And that’s where it spirals down, when lesser minds teach, students have less to take from and eventually they become teachers and their students suffer.

Perhaps not all students will be limited to the capacity of the lecturer, in fact, ideally the lecturer should only provoke interest. And students should by pure curiousity and hard work attain knowledge, but the system Singapore has is quite the opposite. And hence a closer relationship between the capacity of the lecturer and the students. Those who are not at all affected become brilliant minds and hardly would teach since there is no attraction in teaching.

I believe majority of us grew up having tuition at one point or another. Where our parents were extremely concerned-Fuck that. They were just kiasu and didn’t want their own to lose out to other’s children. And they were so willing to pay perhaps 20 times it cost for a school term. This is an indication, that proves, people are absolutely willing to fork out more for better education. Sadly, even with recent increases in school fees and such, much of it goes into maintenance of facilities and rent. Perhaps even with the revision, nothing goes to the lecturers. There is a need to award teachers for their work. Similar to how we as students, when we put in our best effort, yearn for the slightest recommendation from our teachers.

Perhaps the truth hit the raw spot, but I refuse to believe this.

Those who can — do. Those who can’t — teach.

P.S lalalala happy max receive award for best performance in module..For a sem I got 3.72:(

I was sad. That I will no longer have a 4.0 gpa for this sem. I’m looking at around 3.85. And then I went to check the IGP in NUS and NTU. And I was relieved. Not that my maximum attainable 3.85 is good. But by the fact that all is not lost.

God only puts more questions than answers. And the answers to those questions is Faith. And at the very least, the most tangible reward is His presence.

Christianity may be a relationship between you and Jesus, but its certainly not just a relationship. Because it has repercussions on the society around you. And that impact is what makes it a religion; The vertical God to Man is a relationship, But when it comes to the horizontal Man to Man, it becomes a religion. And we’ve seen what religion has done, can do and will do.

Tomorrow is the last day of school. And thank God that it has been more than pleasant. I hope my internship would be just as wonderful.

 

I felt genuinely happy. And the stinging feeling of being torn apart. It seems you could feel both at the same time.

Book stores are closing down one by one. Its sad. But it cant be helped I guess. The insurmountable rent they have to pay. And book stores are supposed to be filled with space. For you to wander and your mind to imagine. And with these book stores closing down, the remaining few becomes increasingly packed.

I have very little motivation to study. Chinese New Year only makes me want to play have fun and sleep. But these remaining school days are just crammed with tests after tests. I need to buck up. I need another 4.0. I need to get to university and perhaps a masters. I need to work hard for another 5 years or more of studying.

On the other hand, a bright news is that I have perfected my clutch on the manual car. So no more stalling and jerking forward. I guess personal achievements give you motivation to carry on. But I’m not achieving in my studies. I’m good, But not good enough.

Health Care; In Time.

The truth is, there’s more than enough. No one has to die before their time.

The time has come where you begin to see the cracks and splits in our profit driven society. I wouldn’t say that I could’ve done better, but these hairline fractures would split our crystalline bubble world that we live in; The undeniable prosperity that Singapore lives in. ” Look at Singapore’s GDP per Capita and shit brix.”

Health Care has become a major concern in the recent years. Or perhaps that death became more real to me as I have matured. But it is without doubt that my parents have began to age and deep underlying problems have began to surface. And their grip on life has become increasingly tighter, as if death had to grapple on, to survive. And if your parents are within the 50 years of age, here’s my two cents.

Health Care has never been cheap, and will never be. Scheduled doctor’s appointment to have a 2min xray scan and some rudimentary checks can put you on a 2 month waiting list. Its fine if its just a regular health check, but its not when your life hangs on a thread. And this is where the social issue arises. The rich, will live longer.

With the opportunity to patronize the private hospitals with their ever so elite bred doctors and one or two to a room policy, your recovery would probably be faster. Coupled with shorter waiting times, to have a doctor check on you, this is where your money can exchange for time. While some have troubling pains with reasons they do not know, the others have already began their fight against cancer with the cocktail of pills. I’m not saying because you visited a private clinic you definitely would live longer, I’m saying that you get treated faster, and thus have a better chance of fighting diseases. Especially those that arise from ageing, the sooner it gets attention, the better you can suppress or perhaps eliminate. Note that your private clinic probably has those doctors with walls plastered with certificates of good practice and qualifications; a better chance of better treatment.

Remember the times when you were sick as fuck and you just wanted to see a doctor and get the pills and gobble them and sleep but you’re stuck in this shit polyclinic because its almost free and you didn’t want to pay the nasty consultation fee your private doctor charges?

I believe that there would be many instances where the sick were scheduled to a doctor’s appointment that had past the person’s threshold of tolerance and gave way. Or perhaps the non invasive cancer had suddenly turned active that could’ve been removed clean if they met the doctor earlier.

So why don’t the government train more doctors, hire more doctors, build more hospitals? Firstly it is extremely expensive to train doctors. They have to constantly buy bodies for students to dissect. And if you open more spaces in university for doctors, the quality would be marginalised- they only want the top 5% to be doctors lawyers etc. If more hospitals were built, a stay in would become cheaper and would eventually nibble into the government’s earnings. Afterall, they need to claim back the money they used to train the doctors. And finally, why should the government invest so much money into the ageing populous. They have little or no contribution to the country (Profit driven). But you can’t eliminate them, the emotional stress put onto the younger generation (working force) would cripple their potential and eventually the economy.

So, be an asshole and subtly eliminate these older generation by giving them as much treatment as they need to show that the government cares, but not enough to keep them alive. And unless you’re rich, which indirectly means you are from a successful family, hence a successful breed, you get more attention and treatment. And this is how the rich lives longer.

With baby boomers (our parents’ generation) begin to cross over to the sickly and disabled, this crease would rip apart. There will be a lot needed to be put in to cope with the burst of patient treatment required. By the way, my cousin had to work on cny eve, thats to say that even doctors are up to their necks with the workload.

And this is why if you own a porsche, lamboghini, and ferrari and park along the toyotas in the hospital, sure, you cannot avoid death like them, but you can prolong your life.

For a few to be immortal, Many must die.

Baba: There is only one sin, only one. And that is theft. Every other sin is a variation of theft… When you kill a man, you steal a life. You steal his wife’s right to a husband, rob his children of a father. When you tell a lie, you steal someone’s right to the truth. When you cheat, you steal the right to fairness.

Good without God

I was once told that if you could live a day without God, you could live everyday without him.

It used to be effortless. Like it was second nature to look to God through the daily works. It didn’t require hesitation and second guessing. Like I was so courageous; that hope could be easily dispensed.

I don’t know how did it get to this, most importantly has this made me a better person? And one thing’s for sure, it gets much more lonely when it hits you that there’s a chance there’s no one watching over you and that you’re on your own to fend for yourself.

Curiousity

So when people ask me if a God create the universe. I tell them that the question itself makes no sense. Time didn’t exist before the big bang. So there is no time for God to make the universe in. Its like asking for directions to the edge of the Earth. The Earth is a sphere; it doesn’t have an edge. So looking for it is a futile exercise.

I do wish to believe that there is a benevolent God watching over us. That there is an ultimate good to all the evil in the world. That justice would be paid. But it has been becoming increasingly difficult. It requires myself to deceive my own conscious thinking. And church, turns out to be one of the most repulsive place. There is little silence and peace to be amongst God, if He was there.

She said, ‘I’m so afraid.’ And I said, ‘Why?’ and she said, ‘Because I’m so profoundly happy, Dr. Rasul. Happiness like this is frightening.’ I asked her why and she said, ‘ They only let you be this happy if they’re preparing to take something from you,‘ and I said,’ Hush up, now. Enough of this silliness.’